Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
