you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
