Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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