So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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