if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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