Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
