i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
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I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
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I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
the liver wants what the liver wants
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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