she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
