He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
