you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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