Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
