so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
