I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Bring me that man meat
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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