I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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