You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
