Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
