I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
