I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
