i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
