Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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