i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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