you guys were way drunker than both of me
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
