I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
