You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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