If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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