Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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