I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
