guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
