omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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