What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
