Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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