Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
