you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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