What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
