can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
How naked do you want me to be?
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