This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
