it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
