That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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