I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
