It's Friday. Sex?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
