Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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