i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
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Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
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When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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