well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
