Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
