I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
third nipple confirmed
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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