At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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