she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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