I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
