i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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