I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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