I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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