Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
