Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
