Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
