Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
