I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
