the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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