who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
