Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
