I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
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I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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