it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
