I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
