Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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