He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
