Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize