In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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