don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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