who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
