sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
